What is this? Time for myself to actually write? Impossible, I say! And yet it is true. Training for my Peer Mentor position is finally over and today is the last day we are moving in the freshmen. For two weeks I've been undergoing thirteen-hour training days. Sexual assault, domestic violence, identifying narcotics paraphernalia, small conflict resolution, dispute mediation; we've been through the entire goddamn gauntlet. But I'm finally done, free of boring staff retreat camps and endless team-building exercises. I'm sitting here in my nice Peer Mentor room at the end of my first-year student wing, looking down the hall and monitoring my residents. Some have described this job as being the hall psychologist, others have said it's basically being the Mayor. Others have said that my job is to be 'touchy-feely'. I am sure I will be both touching and feeling by the time this semester is over.
My check-in shift starts at one today, having just finished a midnight run to Fred Meyers by the entire hall, endless procession of University shuttles carrying hundreds of students to the store. Already I've identified myself as the guy who answers questions; my door is constantly open while I'm in my room and almost every resident has popped in to ask questions. Last night, several residents and I had a Nerf shoot-out with the desk attendant on station. It's only been a day since everyone has moved in and already residents are arming themselves with vast arrays of Nerf guns after I told everyone I was organizing a Nerf war. It will be a deadly semester.
I am sure this job will have much material for entertaining stories. Tales of party busts or passed out naked drunken students vomiting in the stairwell will no doubt fill these pages the next few months. It will unequivocally be interesting, if nothing else.
I have just purchased a HeadBlade razor, a specially designed contraption for men who sport the sexy and attractive bald domes. It arrived a few days ago and I instantly tried it out, shaving off long locks of red hair. It works beautifully, I highly recommend it. The only downfall is that since it's shaped so oddly, it takes awhile to get used to it. Thus the back of my head bled all yesterday as I nicked it several times trying to get the cuts down correctly and tufts of stubborn hair stick out around my ears like besieged, belligerently castles surrounded by scorched earth. I find it interesting that the most oft-requested thing from the females in the halls is to grow my hair out while the only possible haircut my accursed head can sport is that of skin. Any other design looks so incredibly stupid, swooping to the front of my skull instead of the back thus creating the affect that my hair is literally nosediving off the front of my face, that everyone quickly agrees that limited hair is the best. My cross to bear, I guess.
I am such a soldier.
And that's the life and times of myself,
- Caleb