Full Throttle

Five Years

 

 

 

Wall of labor

Today we worked on the retaining wall but made very, very slow process. The quad-lock took more time then we figured and we were bogged down by tools that didn't function right. All in all, it was slow going. We installed only the base metal strips where the quad-lock foam bricks snap into on the very bottom. Tomorrow we face the large task of assembling the rest of the wall. Hopefully it should move a lot quick.

Caitlina and Mike stopped by today and we all played a 3-on-3 basketball game, with Casy, Matt and Mike on one team vs. Dad, Caitie and I. We won, I scored the final shot. We played a ton of basketball, probably a half-dozen games. Several hours worth at least, due to major lags in labor that forced us to wait around while a tool was being fixed. Matt comes again in the morning and we face a lot more work.

I'm pretty tired and sore from constant basketball and work, so I'm crashing early. Weee.

Two things. One, the Chad man has joined the blogging craze and has established his own vessel of communication. You can find it here. It may not make sense but read it none the less! It's a cool blog and I'm looking forward to more stuff from him soon.

The other is a cool little online doo-hickey that I found called Cyber Nations. It's a lot like Nation States but rendered in a superior manner. It's an online nation building simulation, where one establishes what kind of nation they want to run and build infrastructure, military, set taxes and manage imports/exports. It's a great little game, riddle with complicated player politics and massive wars. Currently the entire game is engulfed in a huge war that was started by a tiny scuffle, triggering the immense layers of stragetic alliances that the many players have created. It's great fun. You can find me here, the Royal Arcadia States, a proud member of the W.A.N.G Alliance!

I'm off for blessed sweet sleep,
- Maddog
and make me hip like badass

To Truly Live

Life is unknown.

I am in another mood entirely. I want to spew stuff forth that may or may not be coherent but spew them forth I shall. To give you an idea of the mood I find gripping my psyche, I present a pleasant summary via a conversation with a female:

I, Maddog: hi5
a female: what is this hi5 thing for?
I, Maddog: It is called a high five.
I, Maddog: An American tradition
a female: but why so many?
a female: in a good mood?
I, Maddog: There is many things to exchange such hi5s for
I, Maddog: I am rarely in a good mood
I, Maddog: Right now I hi5 because I want to.
I, Maddog: I do not want to low10 or sideways 2.5
I, Maddog: I want to hi5
a female: awesome. I want to do some PwNiNg
I, Maddog: It is this hi5ing I do because I want to, not because I am in a mood to do so nor because it is something I feel I need to do. It is something that is done merely for the action of doing it. It is done for the moment...
a female: I totally PwN j00!

While asinine may prove to be a more adept description, veracious is still an adjective which may find a home nestled next to the word "conversation". It is a portrayal and while that portrayal may be of something of no value it is a portrayal none the less.

I am constantly surprised and stunned to see those around me, my peers, shun certain facts and aspects merely because it is convenient for them to do so. They wish to be ignorant when they know such ignorance is both costly and foolish and yet they persist. It is either from fear or selfish desires. In fact, it could be argued with sound logic that fear is bred from selfish desires as well. But I digress.

There are those who choose to ignore that life is happening to them. They choose to ignore that there is a time when one cross a threshold from a world where decisions are made for you into a world where you must make the decisions yourself. I have seen friends who cling onto the last remnants of that world, where they desire to be oblivious about the future and merely want to live with everything they may obtain now. I have two examples:

#1 is someone who is a classic pothead. I've had numerous conversations with this person and I am surprised with each one. It is a fascinating look into the mind of someone who would indulge in behaviors that only serve to benefit them now and ignore all else. This person has stated several times that they knew they must grow up soon. They know that they need to embrace life and figure out what it is they are going to do. But for now they don't want to worry about it, they merely want to enjoy what they can now. To them, they do not want to enter a world of responsibility or choice. They choose to escape.

And what is it they are escaping from? It's life. Some may say "but they are doing what they want! They are living how they want". But these aren't lifestyles based around accepting life, they are lifestyles based around ignoring life. They aren't really living. And they know it, they've told me the life gets old, that they've done things that have scared them. I've heard about when they almost overdosed, they were petrified of dying. They've told me that they know at some point, "[they] have to settle down and truly live".

They are an ostrich, with the head buried in the sand to avoid everything else around them. Do not kid yourselves, these are not people who are happy. These are people who are postponing emotions.

#2 is a person who simply chooses to shun everything. They ignore a future, decisions, pains, responsibility, everything that makes life so wonderful. They choose to simply escape because they are afraid of crossing that threshold into a place where they are now responsible for their own lives. You see these kind of people often, these are people who do not live out their potential. They ignore the maturity that is required to handle life. They live in a bubble world, where nothing differs and everything is as it was. It is a kind of nescience, a doctrine of knowing nothing in the belief that nothing can be known. One might argue that the underlying theme is ignorance is bliss if one was wanting to use a terrible cliche, however useful said cliche might be.

They have said that they "fear growing up". What limits! What shackles that have been willfully clamped to ones potential simply because such potential may posses a certain amount of inherent uncomfortableness. A human soul bounded in a self-made prison, for such a prison it is. They do not want to live. They fear living. They fear the real.

I am tired of seeing these kind of youth, people who do not embrace a drive to succeed or live. They want things to stay the same, to be convient. Nothing should change, nothing should be uncomfortable, nothing should be risked. I see kids who are putting off college, who still hang around skateboard parks and who still exist in that realm where nothing else matters but them. It's a fantasy realm where everything is known and everything safe. They are ostriches, sand full of heads.

Escape. These youth keep wanting to escape. Escape from their reality, from hard work, from the path that's in front of them. They take the blue pill and go back to sleep, living in the dreamworld that is safe and comfortable and confining and numbing. These youth don't want to truly live. Because to truly live, is to truly embrace the ability to fail, to lose, to be hurt. It is to embrace fear itself. Fear of the different, the change, the risks, the unknown.

Fear of life.

Truly live, my dear readers. Risk everything and truly live. Embrace pain, change, difference, the real. Wake up and be free.

Live full throttle,
- Maddog

I got troubles oh, but not today
Cause they're gonna wash away
They're gonna wash away

And I have sins Lord, but not today
Cause they're gonna wash away
They're gonna wash away

- Joe Purdy, Wash Away

A Thousand Words Couldn't Say It

It's raining outside. I can hear it through the cracked window, falling lightly. It's always a reassuring sound, I think because we associate with cleanness, with newness. Yea for simple joys. Speaking of simple joys, one of them is listening to Rammstien sing the Barbie Girl song. This is joyous, indeed.

I finished Pattern Recognition. It was an excellent look into modern consumer culture and a variety of advertising and marketing ideas, along with some interesting mysteries and characters. I love William Gibson, he's a cool cat. Mostly he earned this title by writing Neuromancer. Awesome book, I recommend it if you look something fresh in modern fiction.

I feel guilty when I sit down to write on this blog, because I'll spend several hours writing a few dozen pages on some concept, theme or story idea, but when I sit down here I just draw a blank. It's terrible. I'd like to start writing better pieces for this blog, even though I know I have a readership of about zero. Perhaps some day I'll start writing more, who knows.

I'm just about ready to start partying again. My last streak has worn off so I'm ready to roll once again. Cars is coming out soon, I'd like to go see that. Reviews are very good, not surprising. Pixar's on a roll and they've churned out winners so far. I wonder how long their no-dude trend can last.

I'm now focusing on reading Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson, the guy who did Snow Crash (another book I really need to read). It's a thick book, pushing 920 pages, so it should last for awhile. Suppose to be pretty good. I'll be reading that in between playing basketball, now that I have my hoop setup, starting my summer classes and hitting the gym. I want to go camping too, gotta squeeze that in somewhere.

I'm tired, it's late, I'll sleep.
Love,
- Maddog
ladies are pimps too, brush your shoulder off

Man, that dinosaur is dumb

So today, I went and got my haircut after attempting to do it myself. Yea, not the smartest thing ever. It looked like a lawnmower died on top of my head, so I said "screw it" and shelled out big bucks for a girl to spend ten minutes whacking my hair down to nothing. I also trimmed my beard down a bit but I'm still not wanting to lop it off fully.

Also, check out this awesome site is right here. I think dumb dinosaurs is my favorite thing ever. They've also got Tiny Plaid Ninjas, which is kinda awesome, I guess. I've never been into the whole huge Ninja or Pirate meme that is always circulating the internet, so whatever.

E3 is starting soon and the Sony Press Conference has just happened. And they announced their new PS3: $600 for more of the same. Man. Such a bad, horrible move and the backlash is amazing. What the hell where they thinking, seriously? Annoying controllers that offer a gimmick more then anything. Nintendo better make me love the Wii because PS3 sure isn't getting any Maddog luvin'.

I finished my last college final today! YES! My summer classes, Math and 3d Animating, start on the 15th though, so ugghhh. I get basically one week off and I will do hella nothing but write. I've been doing a ton of writing recently and I need to start writing more in the blog then anything else. Maybe I'll adopt Jay's method of self-discipline... Anyways, I think I got all As in my classes, hopefully. Means my GPA should be around 3.7ish, I believe.

I'm also thinking about swapping my Spanish class for a Biology and Bio Lab class. That'd keep me in the same area instead of driving all the way to Anchorage, which would be awesome. I may do that, so who knows.

I haven't posted this before because I've been kinda reluctant about it but I'd think it'd be better if I get it over and done with so I don't have to keep facing the questions. It's tucked away behind the fold because it's slightly angst-ish.

I'm off for the night;

- Maddog
cowboy dan is a major player in the cowboy scene

Superiority

So the Waterfall pic recieved a "Superior" award or whatever and it now gets to go to the State Contest or some such. All I know is I don't get money for it, so whatever. Both pictures were a pain in the butt to get finally printed up. It appears that the UPS store is the best bet to get photos done up in Wasilla. After I got the Photos printed out I then had to matte the dumb things which took all morning. After all that painstaking work I took it to the festival. Only to find out that we had to get them in by 9:00. Argh.

However, a nice teacher took pity on me and snuck it in and got it graded. So, boo-yah for getting stuff in at the last minute. I'm in the computer lab now trying to do the same thing by getting an English paper done. And now I have to go. Seeya

- Maddog

Addicted to Lost...

Sarah's now addicted to Lost. I went over after Anthro and brought the entire first Season. Got the whole family addicted to it. That Superbowl commerical for it was spot-on. Mission accomplished. I also brought over her Strongbad hoodie. She looked so cute in it!

Today I get to play football once again! Yes! I am happy over this. Time to slam around some freshmen. I have a million classes today, I get home probably around 7:00ish. Ugh. Looonngggg day. And I didn't get to the Gym yesterday. That's bad. Gotta get back on the routine.

Well, gotta finish getting my textbooks together. My backpack is usually so heavy on these days. Five classes, each class has a notebook (Math actually has two) and then each class, 'cept Religion, has two textbooks I have to carry around in addition. Do the math. All crammed into one backpack. I usually leave some books in the car but still. That's a lotta textbooks.

I'll see if I can a slip a post in from the library today. Gotta get to the computer lab anyways. I'm out all.

Rage,
- Maddog
you lookin' like you like what you see

Happy New Year: A Reflection

So, I watch 2005 close and I must say, it's a fond year for me. Lots of things have happened for me. It's been a good year all in all and I'm glad to see what has happened to me. Over all, I give 2005 a fond farewell and look forwards to this new neighbor with great anticpation.

I want to look at a few things that 2005 has brought me:

1. A New Outlook on Life

I got a good bearing on where my life is heading this year, both spiritually and otherwise. I made some new goals and changed some things around that needed changing. My career goals and academic desires have shifted a bit towards something a little more realistic and pratical, things that will better serve me in the long run. I've got a better handle on my current life and have made some decisions. One of them is the fact that I'll be staying in Alaska for another year, to wrap up the various schooling that I need and to cement other things. I know what I need and what I want a lot better now and I'm in a postion to obtain those things.

2. Sarah

Defiently one of the top things to happen to me in 2005 was the fact that I started dating my dearest friend, the one person I've known throughout my childhood. I'd been wanting to date her ever since I was a little kid and it finally happened. I look back upon this as a great step in my life and I'm can't wait to see where it takes me.

3. Awesome New Experiences

I've had so many great experiences this year. From cutting loose to the extreme at my contract with the BSA Summer Camps to traveling the Country, this year I've had more things happen then ever before. One of the greatest things in recent memory is my trip to Pennsylavian with Chad, whose relatives were extremely awesome, then to Indianplois with Chad an d Matthue. I had more fun there then ever before. Matt and I rocked that place and we saw the greatest Gaming Convention ever. It was incredible and we plan a trip this year as well. That trip with friends was great.

4. The New Truck Of Sexyness!

This baby is plain badass. I love my new truck. It's incredibly cool plus it looks plain badass. It's nice to have a vehicle!

5. Increased Writing

I've had a chance to increase my writing over 2005 and that's a major boon for me, something I hope to keep up in this year. As time goes, I really want to improve via this and other mediums. So, I'm looking forwards to yet even more increase in writing and quality improvement.

Well, I'm off to watch a bit of 24. I'll see you guys tomorrow, which incorpates yet another party (hopefully, Sarah and I will crash it by sneaking away...)

- Maddog
what have you done? another year older

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a truly awesome and badass Thanksgiving! Eat your turkey and pies and enjoy. There's a lot of things to think about today to be thankful for. Take a moment to reflect a bit. I know I have many things to think about and give thanks for. Perhaps it'd be a good thing, as you gorge yourself and watch football, to think and say a prayer of thanks for everything we enjoy, America, our Military, family, friends, our Freedom and candied yams.

One thing I'm especially thankful for is a special person. Last night, I went over to Sarah's house and talked with her father. And, I'm very happy to say, he's given me permission to date his daughter. That is one thing I'm truly thankful for. So, here's to everything that you have to treasure. I know I sure will be saying thanks this Thanksgiving for a wonderful treasure....

- Maddog
you, my brown-eyed girl

Eleven Thousand Feet Of Thoughts

I wrote this on my Palm Pilot using my little wireless keyboard at 11,00 feet onboard the plane bound to Anchorage. It was taking me home after the Christian Conference and visiting Western Washington University. I was in a real contemplative mood and hammered out an essay on some of my thoughts about my inner being after the conference. Originally, I was not going to post this. I thought about it a bit and decided that I'd post a revised version.

However, I think I'm going to post the entire doo-hickey. It may help others who are struggling with the same issues. It's a lot more personal then I normally get and if you were to ask me about on the street, I'd probably smile and shake my head. If you don't like the up-close and personal look, I'd advise that you don't read this. It's bit more "livejournal-ish" then I like to get, a little Emo for me. Thus, I've hidden it behind the fold.

It's also very long and at times doesn't make a lot of sense. It was written at midnight, on a small keyboard in cramped quarters. It's just over 1,300 words. I ramble on about what it takes to be a man, marriage and some other topics. Soooo....

After all that, if you still want to read it, check behind the fold. Don't say I didn't warn you...

- Maddog
she's a broken angel